


i want to know the joy of how you whisper ‘more’

by leighbot



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Famous, Kink Negotiation, Light BDSM, M/M, Sexual Content, Sub Louis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-03
Updated: 2015-06-03
Packaged: 2018-03-30 23:52:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3956620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leighbot/pseuds/leighbot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Liam has never been selfish, but he’s at a point where he thinks maybe it’s okay to be, sometimes.</i>
</p><p> </p><p>Or, the one where they’ve been non-exclusive for a year and Liam’s willing to do whatever it takes to prove to Louis that he’s the only one Louis needs.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i want to know the joy of how you whisper ‘more’

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tgrsndshrks](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tgrsndshrks/gifts).



> Based on two prompts: _Liam is a bad dirty talker but strives to be better_ and _Liam wants to fuck Louis' thighs_. I hope I did your prompts justice, tgrsndshrks! This has a surprising amount of both fluff and mild angst for such a smutfest.
> 
> Beta'd and britpicked by the very best people ever, S and Z. Thank you both so much!
> 
> Title taken from Rumi.

Liam has never been accused of being selfish. He just isn’t that type. He’s always tried to be considerate with others by giving up his seat on packed buses or trains and by saying ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ like his mum taught him when he was small. ‘Manners make a man,’ she used to say, and Liam hears that as a mantra in his head.

He remembers how it felt when no one wanted to play with him in school or when bullies thought he was an easy target. Since taking up boxing lessons, though, he’s transformed inside and out. His muscles got bigger, his mind became calmer and he came to realise that sometimes people could be mean but he never wanted to be.

Moving from Wolverhampton had been hard at first, but he has fallen in with a good group of friends and met some potential partners. He’d been a bit of a pushover and let some people treat him bad, but overall he has really enjoyed living in London and loves where he’s ended up. He has a job he really loves and has been casually seeing a guy he really likes. His life is in a good place: Loki greeting him when he gets home and Louis consistently being late when he has a free day and lets Liam take him out.

Liam has never been selfish, but he’s at a point where he thinks maybe it’s okay to be, sometimes.

He comes to this conclusion during his customary ten minutes of sitting alone at a table and waiting for Louis to arrive, finally deciding that he’s going to have a serious conversation with Louis for once about where their relationship is headed.

He sees Louis when he finally comes in, a mix of fondness and anticipation building in his gut as he watches Louis dart through the restaurant and side-step waiters and patrons alike with a flash of his cheeky grin. He makes it to their table without knocking into anyone, plopping heavily into his seat and shooting him a blinding smile that’s meant only for Liam. He’s never seen Louis look that way at anyone else, not when he’s trying to charm his way out of speeding tickets or when he’s talking to his sisters on the phone. This smile is only for Liam, and it makes him a little more confident in his decision to have ‘the talk’ with Louis tonight.

“D’you already order?” Louis asks, glancing disinterestedly at the menu and hooking his foot around Liam’s ankle under the table.

Liam shakes his head. “No, I didn’t know what you’d like. I just got us a bottle of red to start.”

Louis puts his menu down and raises his eyebrows at Liam, wiggling them playfully. Liam flushes and knocks his free foot against Louis’ calf. “Behave,” he hisses.

Louis kicks back gently. “We’re young, healthy adults,” he says, tone light. “It isn’t completely unreasonable to assume that you’re looking to wine and dine your way into some action later.”

Liam sputters a bit as he sips from his glass of water. “I wouldn’t,” he says, a bit desperately even to his own ears. “Lou, I don’t want you to think I’d do something like that.”

“Liam, _breathe_ ,” Louis interrupts, rolling his eyes. He shifts his legs back so he and Liam are no longer touching, and Liam feels the loss more than he’d like, hating the fact that he’s annoyed Louis. He sits up straighter and fidgets with the edge of the table, keeping his eyes on the menu in front of him as he tries to think of a way to fix this situation. Any plans of asking Louis to be exclusive are immediately off the table, he knows why someone wouldn’t want to be just his. He’s a fool.

He hears Louis sigh and feels his hand rest gently on the back of his own, stilling his fingers. He chances a look and sees Louis smiling at him, his expression fond.

“I’m sorry I snapped,” he says, voice calm. Liam feels instantly reassured, but a bit silly he’d reacted so strongly. He and Louis have only had a couple spats since they met, and each time had been over silly little things. Louis’ never made him feel bad. “I just got a bit annoyed,” he continues, “because sometimes I think you don’t realise how great you are and you let me be a bit of a bitch to you. You’re a stand-up kind of guy, Payno.”

Encouraged, Liam smiles back. “I mean,” he tries, “I’d _like_ if we went back to mine after this.”

Louis beams at his cheekiness and pinches his hand. He feels Louis’ foot nudge his under the table again and bites his lip against a besotted grin, knowing he probably looks like a fool.

He’ll pick another day to bring up his concerns with Louis, one of their usual days together where nothing goes wrong.

~*~

Almost three weeks pass before Liam sees him again. Louis’ started seeing someone new and Liam’s so full of jealousy he can barely stand it. He makes them dinner at his house on Friday and watches Louis sit around in his pants, playing with Loki and shouting for Liam to hurry up. If he thinks having Louis in such a domestic situation would calm him, he’s wrong: all it does it make him remember all the ways he and Louis fit seamlessly together.

They eat on the floor in front of the telly, plates resting on the coffee table in front of them. Louis keeps one hand on Liam’s thigh and the touch is so warm and distracting that Liam knocks their forks aside halfway through, tackling Louis onto his back and biting marks into his chest and tummy, until he’s satisfied he’s staked his claim.

He pulls away after a particularly dark bruise under Louis’ belly button, Louis’ lips swollen from biting them and his hand fisted in Liam’s hair. He lets Louis push him over onto his back and straddle him, rocking down into his hips until they’re both close. He slips both hands down the back of Louis’ pants, palming his arse and forcing Louis’ hips down faster, thighs spread obscenely wide over Liam.

Louis’ moaning his name again and again, palms pressing hard on Liam’s chest as he rides him through two thin layers of fabric. Liam’s breathless with need, rutting his hips up so the head of his cock is consistently catching against the underside of Louis’ dick, getting impossibly harder as he shoots off into his pants like he’s a teenager again.

Louis collapses against his chest, sweaty skin slipping against each other as he continues to rock down until he’s shuddering through his own orgasm, boneless as he mouths at the curve of Liam’s shoulder.

“What got into you?” Louis chuckles after a moment.

Liam reaches down to adjust himself in his sticky pants, grimacing.

“I’m sorry,” Liam says, instantly regretting letting his jealousy take control. He’s never really been rough during sex, prefers instead to lay his partner out and take his time- especially with Louis, who’s always so responsive to Liam’s touch.

“Don’t be _sorry_ ,” Louis says, sounding scandalised. He shifts on top of Liam, their sensitive cocks dragging together for a breathless moment until he slips off him and settles into his side. “Not for the sex, anyway, that was great. Be sorry my dinner’s cold now.”

Liam pinches his side in retaliation and smiles when Louis looks up at him, leaning in for a kiss. “Go take a shower and I’ll reheat everything,” he offers and Louis smiles and nods, kissing him again before standing. He makes a face and adjusts himself in his pants as he walks from the room, and Liam ignores the feeble twitch his dick gives as he watches.

~*~

Louis sends him a selfie from a Rovers match that weekend, pulling his standard cross-eyed monkey face, and Liam smiles when he sees it before realising that someone else is there with Louis- probably Scott, the older guy he’s been seeing- and he feels the smile slide off his face and a lead weight settle in his gut. All the lovebites in the world aren’t really going to make Louis his.

He closes his messaging app and doesn’t respond.

~*~

He ignores five texts over the next three days. They’re all random snippets like usual, _i didn’t know peanuts were beans_ and _does superman wear a cape only because batman does?_ It’s as if Louis doesn’t even notice that Liam isn’t responding, and he ends up turning off his phone and throwing himself into the parts of his life that don’t involve Louis or make him think of blue eyes and soft hair.

Since everything from his bed to his dog to his favorite restaurants remind him of Louis, he ends up staying at work past nine and beating everyone in by six for the next two days, only finally leaving on Friday when his coworkers descend upon him at his desk and forcibly pull him from the room.

He stumbles home so late that night it’s already Saturday, having over-indulged to ignore the way Steven from his department had been hitting on him all night. Steven’s attractive and funny- probably exactly Liam’s type under his wire-rimmed glasses and button-up shirts- but Liam’s been stupidly hung up on Louis _fucking_ Tomlinson for a year now and can’t even ignore that fact, even though he’s ignoring the man.

He gets angrier with every failed attempt to open his door, his keys sliding against the knob. Finally he figures it out, flinging his coat and boots off without bothering to put them away nicely. He reaches into his back pocket and grabs his phone, turning it on and waiting impatiently for it to start up, letting Loki out while he does. He scrolls until he finds Louis’ contact key, ignoring the vibrations from text and twitter alerts as he presses ‘call’.

He thumps his forehead against the wall when the call goes straight to voicemail, taking a deep breath before speaking.

“ _Hiiii_ Louis, it’s Liam,” he starts, words forcing their way from his lips before he knows what he’s saying. “I’m not sure if I’m the only one who has noticed, but we’ve been hooking up for a year now and I was going to ask you to be my boyfriend but I’m apparently not good enough for you because you have a Scott. I almost could’ve had a Steven tonight, but he doesn’t have blue eyes like you or an armful of stupid tattoos like you and his eyes don’t crinkle when he smiles at me and I just really don’t want to share you anymore. It’s Liam, by the way. I don’t know if I said that. Okay. Bye, Louis.”

He pushes his finger blindly against his phone until he’s pretty sure he hung up correctly, letting Loki in where he’s scratching at the door. He stumbles down the hall to his bed and falls onto it face-first, not even bothering to undress.

~*~

When Liam blinks awake Saturday morning, he’s first aware of his throbbing temples and cotton-dry mouth.

The next thing he notices is the dull, incessant buzzing of his phone.

He digs for it in his sheets, twisted around his waist where he must have burrowed in while sleeping. His trousers are digging into his skin and his work shirt is too tight around his neck, and he distractedly pops open the top two buttons while he continues searching.

The buzzing stops before he can find it, and he finally fishes it out from under the pillows on the empty side, disappointed when he sees simply a string of overnight texts from Steven and Louis. He completely disregards Steven’s and thumbs open the ones from Louis, remembering enough of his phone call from the night before to feel nervous anticipation.

He shouldn’t have bothered even looking. He almost can’t comprehend what he’s seeing.

_haha, you were so pissed last night!_

_drunk you is my very favourite_

_i’m saving that message forever, by the way_

His head’s throbbing too much to focus anymore on the backlight, and he falls back against his pillows, drained already. He’s still got the phone clutched in his hand as he tries to talk himself into getting up and starting his morning routine, Loki whining next to the bed to go out.

He’s about to sit up and soldier on with his headache when the phone buzzes again.

_hangover brunch at my place when you’re up. bring loki and we’ll make a day of it_

He reads it twice before tossing the phone onto his bedside table, getting up and starting his day. He lets Loki into the back garden and drinks a glass of water, slipping down two paracetamol before taking a quick shower to wash away the lingering scent of bar and alcohol clinging to his skin.

He feels slightly more alive when he gets out, toweling down and dressing quickly. He’s decided the least awkward course of action is just showing up at Louis’ and facing the issue head-on. He’s received plenty of drunk texts and voicemails from Louis since they met, this is hardly the most embarrassing thing one of them has done. He’s got joggers on and a soft jumper, the autumn weather warm enough he foregoes a jacket. He clips Loki to his lead and texts Louis to tell him they’re on their way, figuring he can use the quick walk to Louis’ building to calm his nerves. It’s a short distance- about the same as the jogs he takes in the summer- and Loki and he could both use the exercise.

He shows up slightly winded, having taken the stairs at a jog up to Louis’ sixth floor flat. Louis opens the door after a moment, a smile on his face as he kneels and greets Loki before dragging his gaze obviously up Liam’s legs and over his chest. His smile’s cocky when Louis meets his eyes and Liam feels his face flush from the over-exaggerated attention. He pushes into the room and unclips Loki, hanging his lead and toeing off his shoes.

“How’s the hangover?” Louis asks when he stands, moving in to place a perfunctory kiss on Liam’s mouth.

Liam dodges him easily, not in a particular mood to go through the motions. “It’s fine,” he says.

Louis lets him shift away, leading him through to the kitchen where the smell of takeaway pizza is strong. They settle at the table across from each other and Louis pushes a box over to him. Liam flips open the lid, grabbing a slice from the cheese-only side before pushing it back and letting Louis grab one from his extra pepperoni and green pepper mess. He makes a face at him and Louis smiles bright, taking an obnoxiously large bite. Liam laughs and lets his foot graze Louis’s ankle, feeling soothed as usual just by being around Louis.

Liam’s honestly so stupid about this boy.

The air is mostly tension-free when they’ve finished, bellies full in the best way. Louis asks about work while they clean up, folding the empty pizza box into the bin and wiping down the table. He seems genuinely interested as Liam explains the most recent project he’s been working on and how his boss has been eyeing him for a promotion.

Liam picks up the subtle hints Louis’ dropping throughout the day and he feels a certain buzz settle under his skin. He suggests they take Loki to the park, wants to work off the rest of his hangover. He lets Louis hold his hand as they walk, their fingers entwined while Louis throws a ball ahead for Loki with his free arm.

They walk home with Liam’s arm slung around Louis’ waist, keeping them pressed together as they stop at the closest little Tesco, Liam rushing inside and picking up some essentials for dinner while Louis lights up a cigarette outside.

He tastes faintly of smoke when Liam kisses him after checking out, and Liam ignores the loud part of him that wants to press him against a wall and lick into his mouth until he can only taste himself.

They get into Louis’ flat and Liam starts dinner, Sky Sports playing the Match of the Day on Louis’ shitty television. He makes Louis abandon the sofa and eat at the table, ignoring the foot Louis traces up his calf and presses between his thighs. He grabs his foot, tickling the arch lightly and laughing when Louis just lets his foot fall to the floor and licks his fingers obscenely, pink tongue tracing the digits as he stares into Liam’s eyes.

“You’re crazy,” Liam says, standing up and clearing their plates. “Let’s go somewhere.”

Louis is clearly confused from the way his brow is furrowed, but he stands as well and follows Liam to the sink. “Do you have somewhere in mind?”

“I don’t care,” Liam says honestly as he rinses their plates and sets them aside to come back to. “I just want to go somewhere to dance and drink.”

Louis’ quiet for a moment before pressing his hands to Liam’s back, slipping his fingers under his shirt. “You’ve got clothes here,” he says. “Go get changed and I’ll take Loki out. We’ll leave in twenty.”

Liam wants to laugh, knowing they won’t be leaving for thirty minutes at least; Louis will never be on time for anything in his life. He’s surprisingly okay with that fact and nods, turning and grabbing Louis around the waist, bringing their hips together as he licks into Louis’ mouth slowly. He pulls away with a smile at the dazed look on Louis’ face, giggling a bit as he walks away and hears Louis curse under his breath behind him.

~*~

They walk into the club together but split up after a moment, Liam heading to the bar for a round of drinks and Louis weaving through the crowd to find them a table. He gets the bartender’s attention quickly and orders a beer for Louis and one of those fruity drinks Liam’s always liked. Mojitos. He especially likes the way it sounds when he’s slightly buzzed on them, syllables slipping off his tongue.

He drums his fingers on the bar to the beat of the bass, startles when a warm body presses against his side, too tall to be Louis. He shifts away, turning and seeing Steven from his work standing there with a smile.

“Oh, hello,” he says politely, leaning in just a bit so his voice will carry over the music.

“Two nights in a row we’re out together, _Leeyum_ ,” Steven slurs, clearly already drunk. “Think that means there’s only one more before you get to take me home.” He crowds in closer, breath warm on Liam’s neck, and Liam tries to pull away but Steven tries again, hand wrapping around the back of Liam’s neck and pulling him in.

Liam pushes his arm away and moves back before their lips touch, raising a hand to keep Steven at bay. “I don’t think that’s such a good idea,” he tries.

Steven doesn’t seem to care, smiling and trying to get his hands on Liam’s waist and pull him close. Liam uses his weight advantage and stands his ground, hands flat on Steven’s shoulders. He’s about to push him back forcefully when someone pops up from the crowd next to them, one hand on his hip and the other slipping around Liam’s waist.

Louis’ blue eyes are narrowed as he looks Steven up-and-down, a smirk on his face as he asks, “Who have we got here?”

Steven steps back, confused, looking at Louis’ hand squeezing Liam’s waist, and Liam has never been so relieved to see Louis.

“This is Steven,” he explains, wrapping his own arm around Louis’ shoulders. “I told you about him, I’m sure; he’s in my department.”

Louis, bless him, doesn’t press any further, nodding slowly. “Yeah, I think you’ve mentioned him before.”

Steven tears his eyes away from Louis’ hand and meets Liam’s eyes. “I didn’t know you were with someone,” he says.

“It’s like he’s ashamed of me,” Louis teases, voice loud in order to be heard over the music. He pushes up on his toes and presses a kiss to Liam’s cheek, just catching the edge of his mouth. He pulls away, hand darting out lightning fast to pinch Liam’s nipple but Liam grabs him before he can reach, laughing and batting his hand away.

Louis giggles back at him, before turning to the bar and grabbing their drinks. Steven leans in when Louis’ facing away, catching Liam off-guard and pressing his lips to Liam’s ear. “If you change your mind,” he says, palm pressing under Liam’s t-shirt.

Liam flushes, confused when he looks to Louis and sees him turned back to face them, expression closed off. Liam isn’t looking forward to Louis’ reaction, but he just takes a sip of his beer and hands Liam his drink, slipping between them with a glare and walking away. Liam turns and follows, sipping his own drink and not sparing Steven another glance.

~*~

By the end of the night, Liam has completely forgotten about Steven. His shirt is slick with sweat after dancing with Louis in the crowd, the previous tension between them completely forgotten as Louis grinds against Liam, Liam’s hands holding his hips in place. He’s half-hard from it, Louis’ head tilted back against his shoulder as he trails kisses down Louis’ neck. Louis raises his hands behind his head, circling his wrist with his own fingers as he presses harder against Liam’s chest, keeping them pressed together so closely that Liam can hardly tell where he ends and Louis begins.

“Liam, take me home,” Louis shouts above the music, twisting his neck to get closer to Liam’s mouth.

Liam lets their lips meet, hand pushing under Louis’ shirt to drag his palm over the sweaty skin underneath, Louis’ soft stomach clenched as he rolls his hips. Louis has never been one for public displays like this, but something about the bass, drinks and making up they’d done must make him forget about the crowd. Liam’s not ashamed to admit he’s taking advantage of this opportunity, holding onto Louis tighter and kissing him desperately.

Louis grabs his wrist and pulls his hand out from under his shirt, dragging Liam behind him as they rush out of the club. Liam’s got his phone in his hand to call them a cab when Louis presses him into the wall, a constant drizzle soaking them through as Louis’ sharp little teeth suck a mark into Liam’s throat. When they finally pull apart, Liam can feel the sharp edges of the bruise, right next to his birthmark, and he wants to haul Louis back into his chest and suck one of his own on Louis’ sharp jawline. He sees a flash of Louis smirking before he turns away and yanks him from the wall, running completely into Steven where he’s exiting the club.

Steven’s eyes flicker between their entwined hands and the new lovebite on Liam’s throat before he turns to the group he’s with and doesn’t look back. They walk away down the street and Liam feels as if he’s missed a step going downstairs when he catches sight of the completely stoic look on Louis’ face. They hail a passing cab and pile into the back, Louis’ eyes cold as he stares ahead and ignores Liam, no part of their bodies touching.

They pull in front of Louis’ building still silent, Louis pressing money in the cabbie’s hand before Liam can get his wallet out from his back pocket. They ride in the elevator together, the silence around them tense and awkward as Liam tries to figure out what he did to make Louis so mad. The night had been going so well.

He’s just about convinced himself to grab Loki and go by the time they reach Louis’ door, but then Louis shocks him by taking him instead, clipping his lead to his collar and taking him out the door for his evening walk.

Liam stands awkwardly in the hallway for a few minutes, debating with himself whether he should take his coat off and make tea or just leave. He hates feeling off-balance, but he hates the way Louis’ face had been void of expression when he’d last seen it even more. He’d give anything to make that expression smooth away, and he finally hangs his coat with a sigh and toes his shoes into their usual spot, leaving space for Louis’ canvases when he gets back in.

He makes his way further into the flat and starts the kettle, finishing the dishes from earlier until Louis returns, coming in with a flutter of activity and sound. Liam feels like reality is settling back in, the kettle going off and the sound of him pouring the water unnaturally loud in his ears as he listens for Louis’ footsteps.

He approaches quickly, bare feet loud on the floor as he walks into the kitchen.

“What happened last night with Steven?” he asks.

Liam’s shocked, having prepared himself for almost any other question. “Nothing happened, what?” he asks back, sure he’s misheard.

“He was all over you at the bar and kept staring at us on the dance floor.”

Liam puts down the kettle dazedly, looking at Louis standing in the kitchen with his hands folded in front of his chest, clearly unhappy. He feels like he’s playing catch-up and takes a moment to think before he speaks. “Is that why you let me kiss you like that? Why you were so hot for it? Staking your claim?”

Louis turns away and opens a cupboard, staring inside it blankly before slamming it closed. Liam’s feeling his confusion only rise at Louis’ odd behavior. “Were you _jealous_?” he asks.

Louis scoffs but doesn’t turn around, staring instead at the counter.

“But _why_?” Liam continues, accepting Louis’ silence as affirmation.

“ _Because_!” Louis explodes, turning to face him. His eyes are bright and wide, pupils stark against the blue. “You called me last night, completely and totally _trashed_ , going on and on about this ‘Steven’ bloke I’ve never even heard of. _Then_ you tell me you were going to ask to be _boyfriends,_ but you’re not going to anymore because of him!”

“Lou-” Liam begins, stepping forward to appease him but Louis shakes his head, backing away from him towards the table.

“You’re acting weird and reserved all day and then you want to go out and Steven just _happens_ to be there. What am I supposed to think, Liam?”

“Louis, I didn’t know he was going to be there.”

Louis sits at the table, head down and staying silent. Liam frets for a moment, trying to get hold of the conversation before it gets any more confusing. He fishes their tea bags out of the mugs,  grabbing the milk from the fridge and topping each off just a bit, adding extra sugar to his own that Louis never lets him have. He brings them over to Louis and hands him his mug, getting a mumbled _thank you_ before he sits in what he’s come to think of as _his_ spot.

He tries to remember his exact phrasing on the phone as they both drink; he doesn’t think he implied anything about wanting Steven, though he can’t be sure.

“He was touching you,” Louis says, startling him from his thoughts. “I hated that.”

Liam stares at him, setting his mug on the table. “I don’t understand, though. I mean, you’re the one who’s always telling me to date other people, so what if I was seeing him, too?”

Louis sighs, dramatic and loud, pushing his own mug away but not taking his eyes from the table top. “I tell you to date other people,” he starts, voice monotone, “because I know you won’t. I don’t actually want you to.”

“That’s kind of selfish,” Liam blurts out, his brain not filtering his words before he says them. “You’ve dated plenty of other people since we started up. Said being exclusive wasn’t your thing.”

“I know.”

Liam plows on, undeterred. “You’re even with Scott right now! You blew me off for weeks, didn’t notice I was ignoring you for days because you were too busy with him.”

“I noticed,” Louis admits, chewing on his thumbnail in a way that’s always annoyed Liam.

His voice is so soft, though, that Liam isn’t sure he’s heard him correctly at first. “I- _What_?”

Finally, Louis looks up at him, his eyes just as light as earlier. His posture conveys complete defeat as he says, “I noticed, okay? I thought I was just imagining it at first but then I realised I must have pissed you off bad. I didn’t know what I did, but I was going to come by today and force you to talk to me but you called me before I had the chance.”

“I just,” Liam starts, baffled. “I don’t _understand_ , Louis. You have Sco-”

“Yes, I know!” Louis snapped, standing up so fast his chair rocked back for a moment before thudding  down on all four legs again. His tone is frustrated and- before Liam can even begin to process the frustration- Louis continues. “I have Scott. And before him it was someone else and before that was another someone else. I don’t even remember their names. The whole time, though, there’s always been you.”

Liam feels his own frustration pouring out of him with his words. “But _why_? You’re saying all of this but you’re not really _explaining_ any of it to me.”

Louis walks away, taking his mug to the sink. “What do you want to hear?”

Liam _thunks_ his forehead on the table, groaning in annoyance, before turning so his cheek is on the smooth wood instead, looking at Louis’ back. “Don’t be thick,” he pleads. “Why do you want them if you always have me?”

“I don’t know,” Louis says, rinsing out his mug and leaving it on the counter. It’s one of his worst habits, Liam thinks distractedly, always leaving the mug out ‘in case’ he wants another cuppa. He ignores the rush of fond in his chest, trying to focus back on the conversation.

“Is there something you’re missing from me?” he asks, hating the way his voice sounds small. “Something the other guys are doing for you?” He has no idea what it could be, clearly not financially because Louis makes good money at his job, keeps enough for bills and a bit of fun and sends the rest home.

Louis doesn’t answer, but his face flushes and he turns further so Liam can’t even see his profile.

Liam sits up, a new thought occurring to him. “Is it our sex life? Is it not good?” Louis’ the best he’s ever been with, if he says their sex life is lacking then Liam _knows_ it’s him.

Louis’ shaking his head almost before Liam’s finished asking, turning back to him. His face is growing darker, the pink on his cheeks deepening into a scarlet red, and Liam knows he’s hit the nail on the head. He tries to keep his voice steady, despite the sinking feeling in his gut. “I thought we were good together,” he says, meekly.

“We _are_ , Li,” Louis says, trying to reassure him. He approaches, sinking to his knees in front of Liam, still sat in his chair. “We are _so_ good together,” he says, grabbing his hands and kissing his palms before tilting his head up and slipping a hand around Liam’s neck, bringing their lips together for a soft kiss.

“But there’s something still missing,” Liam supplies, so sure he’s on the right track. He ignores Louis shaking his head again. “What are these other boys doing for you?” he asks. “Tell me and I’ll do it, I don’t care what it is.”

Louis’ so close their lips almost touch as he whispers, “Don’t worry about it, Liam. Don’t worry about anyone else. What we have is perfect, I don’t want to mess it up.”

Liam won’t let it alone though. “What do you do with them that’s so different? What do you need me to do?”

Louis doesn’t seem like he’s going to answer so Liam pushes his chair back, standing and moving past where he’s still knelt on the floor. He dumps out his half-full tea, uninterested in it now that it’s gone cold. He hears Louis get to his feet and then feels his hands wrap around his waist, cheek pressing between Liam’s shoulder blades through his thin shirt.

“Talk to me,” he pleads, knuckles white against the sink. “I can’t give you what you need if you don’t talk to me, first.”

He thinks he can feel Louis shaking a bit, hands unsteady where they’re pressed against Liam’s stomach. He hears Louis sigh before he says, “I like to give up control sometimes.”

Liam doesn’t move, sure he’s misunderstood the words. Louis is snarky, loud and _bossy_. He clears his throat before asking, “Do you mean… what do you mean?”

Louis shifts, chin digging into Liam’s back to show he doesn’t want to answer the question. Liam doesn’t move or take it back, hardly breathes, until Louis speaks, pressing his forehead where his chin had just been.

“I just,” he sighs, “I like to be held down, I guess. I like being told what to do.”

Liam turns around in Louis’ arms, letting his hand cup Louis’ chin and tilt his face up to see him. “You don’t ever do what I tell you to do. How could you like doing what other people tell you to do?”

Louis laughs a bit at that, cheeks still obscenely pink and eyes wet. Liam slouches a bit against the counter behind him and widens his stance, pulling Louis into the  space between his thighs. He returns the kiss Louis initiates, mouths open and slick against each other’s.

“You tell me to clean up and do the shopping,” Louis says when they pull apart, blush receding. “I don’t mean like that.”

Liam knows this, of course, he’s not completely daft, but Louis’ smiling at him gently and he smiles back. “I could try the other way, too.”

“You don’t ever _make_ me listen to you, though,” Louis says, pressing closer to bring their mouths together again.

He pulls back before Louis can connect. “I could try, though,” he says. “Now that I know what you like.” He pouts at the bark of laughter that tears out of Louis’ mouth, his whole body shaking against Liam’s with the force of it. “I could,” he mutters, sullenly.

Louis quiets his giggles and brings a hand up to run along the rough stubble on Liam’s chin. “You’re great, Li,” Louis starts, and Liam braces himself for the _but_. “It’s just that- you’re an absolute sweetheart. I love our sex life, honest I do. But,” and there it is, “the thought of you having anything but completely vanilla sex is a bit hard to believe.”

Liam knows he shouldn’t be offended, knows there is nothing wrong with being ‘vanilla’, but the easy dismissal coming from Louis _hurts_. For all their differences, Louis has always supported Liam and has been the person he turns to for encouragement. He doesn’t like the feeling of failing Louis.

Without thinking it through, he grips Louis’ biceps tightly, forcing him back until they’re pressed against the fridge, leaning in and licking a stipe up Louis’ neck before biting a mark into his jawline.

Louis moans, hands fisting in Liam’s shirt near the hem, keeping their bodies close as he rolls his hips against Liam’s, shifting his head to try to bring their mouths closer for a kiss. Liam obliges him, sliding his tongue between Louis’ lips until his back arches, pressing their chests together. Liam pulls back, licking his lips when he sees how pink Louis’ cheeks are again, mouth swollen and shiny.

“ _Stay still_ ,” he hisses, watching in surprise as Louis listens and goes pliant against him. He lets Liam manhandle him into the bedroom, pressing him onto the bed and stepping back. Louis’ eyes are on him but he isn’t moving, hands resting against the duvet as he waits for Liam.

Liam feels a surge of arousal shoot through him, a tug in his gut as he watches Louis- submissive and soft where he’s lying against the pillows. Liam grabs lube and a condom from Louis’ side table, setting them out of the way and crawling  on the bed, settling between Louis’ spread thighs.

“What are you gonna do?” Louis breathes out, eyes bright with arousal. His hands settle on Liam’s hips but he doesn’t move besides that.

“What am I going to do?” Liam repeats, mind drawing a blank. He rolls his hips, barely able to feel Louis through the layers of their trousers, and thinks about working a hand down between them push their clothes down.

Louis nods encouragingly, slipping his hands in the waistband of his pants, fingers warm against his hips. “Tell me what you’re gonna do to me. What are you gonna do?”

Liam leans in for a kiss, keeping Louis quiet while he racks his brain, trying to think of something to say. He knows this should be easy, knows what he’s heard in bad porn dialogue, and finally settles with, “I’m going to fuck you.”

He feels silly when he pulls away to say it, but then Louis moans and closes his eyes, his head pressing into the pillows and his hips pushing up against Liam’s again.

“Stay still,” he says again, watching as Louis’ eyebrows furrow and his lips part as he whimpers.

He bites another mark into Louis’ skin, one of his hands pressing against the underside of Louis’ thigh- keeping it up against his hips- and using his other hand to balance himself as he licks and sucks his way up to Louis’ mouth again.

 _This_ , Liam can handle. He knows Louis’ body better than he knows his own. He knows the exact spot on his neck that gets him hot, the way Louis likes to be kissed, and how close he is when he bites his bottom lip, sucking it into his mouth so far his teeth hit skin just before he comes.

He pulls his head back to look Louis over better, watching as his eyes flutter open and he smiles up  at Liam.

“How are you going to fuck me?” he asks, clearly enjoying the flush on Liam’s cheeks and the way his eyes widen at the question.

He tries to think, tries to figure out how many ways there could be to fuck someone. “I’m going to…” he starts, before pausing. He distracts them both by taking his hand from Louis’ thigh and pressing it against the outline of his dick through his clothes. “I’m going to fuck you... hard?” he settles with, voice lilting at the end in a clear question.

He can tell Louis notices the hesitation and is relieved when he doesn’t say anything, just lifts one hand to drag down Liam’s chest. Liam thinks he should take his hand away- wants to make this good for Louis- but the feeling of his small fingers slipping under his shirt and trailing up his skin, wiping at his chest hair so it stands on end, makes him whimper and press their hips together closer.

He fits their mouths together again when Louis finds his nipple, sucking at the tip of Louis’ tongue before taking his bottom lip between his teeth. He can see the appeal of this side of sex, tries to cast around in his mind for something dirty to say. He still feels silly but he loves the way Louis’ responding, so he pulls back enough to croak out, “I want to get my penis in you so bad.”

He has to scramble out of the way when Louis shoots up with a cackle, trying to bite his fist to smother his laughter as his other hand finds the bed behind him, keeping him upright. Liam can feel how hot his face is as Louis fails to keep his laughing quiet, tears in his eyes as he pulls away further.

“ _Penis_? Liam, babe, come on.”

“Shut up,” Liam mutters, wiping at his face. His hand feels like ice against his cheeks.

Louis just laughs harder and tries to pull Liam back to him but he doesn’t let him. “C’mon, Li,” he coaxes. “It’s not a big deal, we’ll work on it. Here, repeat after me-”

“Louis, shut up.”

“- say _dick_.”

Liam bites the inside of his cheek hard enough to hurt, shaking his head and trying to distract himself from his complete mortification.

“Don’t like that one?” Louis continues. “Okay, try _cock_ ,” he says between giggles, hands mapping Liam’s chest in a pattern that would normally feel soothing.

Liam doesn’t want to be _soothed_ right now, he just wants to disappear. He crawls back further, climbing off the bed as Louis adds, “Even _magic stick_ , Liam. Anything other than ‘penis’ would do, really.”

Liam’s pretty sure his skin is burgundy from his forehead to his toes as he races into the bathroom, slamming the door closed behind him, desperate for some space.

It doesn’t work for long, though, as Louis follows him after a moment, face somber and laughter gone.

“Li, I’m sorry,” he starts, but Liam doesn’t want to hear it.

He turns away so he’s facing the shower, head hung low. “Jus’ leave me alone, Lou.”

“I shouldn’t have laughed,” he says, clearly not listening anymore.

“Louis, it’s fine, just go away.”

Louis ignores him again, turning Liam around gently and reaching up to wrap his arms around neck. “Let’s just get some sleep, okay?” he suggests, cheek resting on Liam’s shoulder and hair brushing Liam’s jaw.

Liam reaches a hand up almost automatically, carding his fingers through the shorter hairs at the back of Louis’ neck.

“Let’s put this whole, shitty day behind us, yeah?” Louis asks, pulling back to look at Liam. He thinks Louis’ trying to be encouraging when he adds, “back to normal tomorrow, promise.”

Liam lets Louis lead him back to bed, lets Louis pull his trousers down and slip his shirt off before he crawls into bed. He watches Louis step out of his own clothes before he joins Liam, lets him crowd into Liam’s space and pull the duvet over them both. He lies awake staring at the ceiling for a long time, Louis’ breaths deep and even where his head is pillowed on Liam’s chest, mouth parted against his skin.

Liam can’t help but feel like he’s lost his chance. He doesn’t want to go back to normal. He wanted to prove to Louis that he could be his only- that they could be _enough_ , the two of them together- and he knows he’s failed.

He doesn’t think he’s ever going to be the only guy Louis brings home. He just doesn’t know if he’s okay with that like he used to be, not when he wants so much _more_.

~*~

Liam means to sneak out in the morning but he must fall asleep, waking up instead to Louis crawling on top of him and brushing his lips against Liam’s jaw, trailing kisses up to his mouth. He kisses back automatically, brain fuzzy from both the lack of sleep and the drinks from the night before.

He licks into Louis’ mouth, tastes the sharp mint of toothpaste, and almost loses himself in their kiss before he remembers his embarrassment with a start, opening his eyes and pushing Louis away.

“Stop it, _shit_. I should go.”

Louis looks confused and ridiculously cute in his oversized sleep shirt and pants, and Liam hates the fact that- even after the debacle of the night before- there’s nowhere else he truly wants to be. He loves lazy Sunday mornings with Louis, lying about in bed with him until Loki gets them up, cuddling and making out on the couch until they curl into each other for a nap after lunch.

He closes his eyes so he can’t see Louis, trying to will himself to not cry as he remembers that everything is different now and he can’t stay.

“Don’t go, Li,” Louis says, soft hand grabbing his wrist. “I promise, it isn’t a big deal.”

Liam ignores him, pulling his arm away and slipping back into his trousers, walking out of the room.

He hears Louis’ feet thud when they hit the carpet, hears them smack on the wood floors in the hallway as he follows him. “Liam, stop. Please.”

He should go. He tries to tell himself to walk out the door and ignore Louis.

He can’t. He stays rooted to the spot until Louis circles in front of him. Liam prays Louis doesn’t touch him, doesn’t think he could handle it if he did, and thankfully Louis doesn’t.

“What do you want?” he asks, voice hoarse from sleep still.

Louis doesn’t answer for a moment, just looks at Liam with his lip between his teeth. He’s thinking he can’t do this, is a second away from pushing past him, when his mouth finally opens.

“I just, thought we could have brekkie and talk for a bit. I don’t want you to go.”

Liam feels numb in the pit of his stomach, dizzy like he gets sometimes when he doesn’t eat or when he trains too hard. Louis’ kind of both scenarios right now, Liam muses. He’s like a feast laid out before him that Liam can’t have. He’s the extra mile Liam wants to run even though his legs are shaky and his lungs are already pushed near their limit. Louis’ everything, all the time, and Liam isn’t anything.

“I don’t think there’s anything to talk about,” he says. He isn’t trying to be dismissive, but he can’t decide between the half of him that wants to walk out the door and the other half that wants to rewind to the night before and try again. He wants to relive the moment he had Louis pliant underneath him, wants to get it right this time and show Louis that he doesn’t need anyone else; Liam can be something to him, can be everything with a little time.

He isn’t the guy Louis needs, though, and he doesn’t think he ever can be. He needs to leave before he gets any further lost in his own head, his temples throbbing from thinking so hard.

Then Louis takes his hand again, and he feels his resolve start to crumble at the light touch. “I don’t need you to talk dirty or rough me up, Li. I like what we had before. I like everything we do.”

Liam bites his lip almost raw, staring at where Louis’ hands are wrapped around his own, slight calluses on Louis’ fingers rough against Liam’s palms.

He makes a decision, taking his hand away and whistling for Loki, hooking him to his lead when he trots into the foyer. Louis tries to reach out for him again but Liam gives him a cold look. “Don’t touch me,” he warns.

Louis’ eyes are wide and his face is pale when he drops his hands to his sides, expression frantic. “Liam, don’t leave me. Please stay.”

“I’m not the person you want me to be,” Liam says. He doesn’t look back at Louis when he turns around, grabbing his coat and walking out of the door. He hears it click closed behind him and looks down at Loki, who wags his tail hesitantly, clearly having picked up on the tension in the flat.

“Don’t look at me like that,” Liam mutters as they take the stairs at a brisk pace. “I’m not who he needs.”

~*~

The rest of Sunday passes in a blur, Liam moving through his routine without thought. He takes Loki out twice to run, leaving him behind when he slips out for a third jog right after twilight, desperate to clear his head.

He’s sore and exhausted when he gets to work Monday morning, not having shaved away his weekend beard or taken any care with his clothing. He thinks his shirt is wrinkled something awful, throws on a jumper over it and complains about the cold when his coworkers ask.

He gets a thought on his lunch break and walks into Steven’s office on his way back to his desk, determined when he blurts out, “Will you go out with me?”

Steven stares at him for a long moment before placing a call on hold, taking the receiver from his ear. “Okay,” he says.

“Tonight?” Liam presses.

Steven’s eyes widen further but he nods after a second. “Tonight works.”

“Okay,” Liam nods, walking backwards out the door. “I’ll call you then. Okay. Bye.”

He’s out the door and halfway down the hall before he hears the confused ‘goodbye’ that Steven calls out after him.

~*~

His earlier resolve is gone by the time he reaches the restaurant, having worked himself up into a right state as he’d gotten ready at home. He hasn’t been out with anyone since he’d first convinced Louis to go to dinner and a movie with him their last year of Uni. More than a year of being with one guy, he sometimes forgets that Louis can’t say the same thing.

He’s early for their reservations and steps to the bar, ordering a shot to calm his nerves and running his palm against his freshly-shaved cheeks, trying to forget how much Louis likes when he keeps a slight amount of stubble. He’s just asked for a second one when a hand on his elbow startles him so much he jumps, pulling away.

“Sorry,” he hears with a laugh. “Didn’t mean to scare you.”

Liam wipes his sweaty hands on his trousers as he turns to meet Steven’s eyes. He can’t help but think that they’re brown and warm and, yet, nothing he’s interested in.

“S’okay,” he mutters, the volume muted enough that he’s sure his voice carries. He turns back to the bartender and catches his eye, holding up a hand to signal another. The man nods and smiles, setting out another glass. “Didn’t expect you to be on time, is all.”

“I could come back later, if you’d like,” Steven offers playfully.

Liam tries to laugh- knows it’s the polite thing to do- but it comes out too high and clearly forced before dying quickly. He hands one of the shots to Steven when they’re passed over, slipping the bartender a couple notes to cover the drinks and a tip.

Steven’s holding his drink up when he turns around, and Liam knocks his glass against his before they take them together.

It burns worse than the first had as he swallows, but he doesn’t care. He’s ready to order another when the hostess approaches them and leads them to their table.

~*~

Dinner is a complete and utter _disaster_.

Liam somehow comes to the conclusion that drinking his way through the menu is a good plan to get through the date. He keeps a steady supply of mixed drinks coming his way, hating the taste of the shots from earlier and looking to disguise his liquor. He knows he’s drunk and annoying, constantly interrupting Steven to order another glass.

He also knows he’s being a terrible date, knows that he’s ironically being unbelievably selfish, but everything about Steven is so far from the boy Liam’s in love with that it’s breaking his heart.

He’s only quiet when their food is served, the waiter bringing a pitcher of water to their table with a pointed look at Liam. He has the decency to be ashamed and downs two glasses quickly, pushing around his chicken marsala disinterestedly.

“So,” Steven finally says when their food is cleared, Liam refusing the offer to take any of his home.

He looks across the table and has the decency to attempt to appear sheepish, but Steven’s face seems thoughtful instead of angry.

“Shall we talk about the elephant in the room or should we continue to ignore it?”

Liam looks down at the table, fingers finding the corner and rubbing against it nervously. “I don’t know what you mean,” he tries, clearly unconvincing from the look on Steven’s face when he meets his gaze again.

“What happened with your boyfriend, Liam? You two seemed to be on good terms on Saturday.”

Liam figures he doesn’t have any pride left to be worried about, shrugging as he answers honestly. “He wasn’t really my boyfriend. We’ve just been kind of… hooking up for a while now.”

“Didn’t seem like the dating type.” Steven nods, apparently having already assumed.

Liam opens his mouth to counter the thought- he is obviously the dating type, that’s what caused this whole mess- when Steven clarifies quickly. “No, Liam. _He_ didn’t seem like the dating type. It’s obvious that you are.”

His tone is friendly but Liam still feels the hairs on the back of his neck rise. “Don’t talk like you know him,” he snaps.

Steven laughs at first but stops quickly when Liam glares at him. “I’m sorry,” he apologises, awkwardly shifting in his seat. “Well, this date has been shot to shit since the beginning. Let’s walk off some of your booze and have a talk, yeah?”

Liam frowns, not overly eager to spend any further time with someone who isn’t Louis. He agrees eventually, paying the bill despite Steven’s protests and falling in step with him as they leave the restaurant.

“Want to tell me your story?” Steven prompts almost as soon as they’re out the door.

The night is warm around them, summer stubbornly refusing to fully cede to autumn. Spurred on by the alcohol in his system, Liam launches into their story from the beginning. His boots are heavy on the pavement as he walks, summarising for Steven how popular Louis had been in Uni, how Liam had met him at a function during their last year. Something about Liam must have seemed promising, because Louis had let him take him out once and then once again, until they fell into a routine.

Louis had explained that he didn’t like being exclusive and Liam hadn’t pushed for more, content with what they had as they neared graduation. They both found jobs before leaving school, Louis keeping his flat and Liam moving into a semi-detached near work. Louis had always been honest about the other guys in his life and for a while it was working. Liam was doing a six-month internship for the job he has now and couldn’t always make time to see Louis. He knows Louis thrives on attention and knew it was simpler to keep things the way they were.

He tells Steven that he’s settled in his job now, that Louis’ on the fast-track for promotion, and he thinks it’s time their relationship moves forward. He has time now to give to Louis, time and a dog and a home he wants to build with him.

He flushes and fumbles through explaining Saturday night, how Louis had asked him to take control and how he had mucked it up. He doesn’t recount the experience word-for-word, but he does drunkenly confess how much he’d liked it, how strong he had felt when Louis had listened.

He trails off when he admits how badly he messed it up, Steven pulling him to a stop. He looks around and realises they’ve looped back to the street the restaurant is on, the familiar awning ahead of him.

“I didn’t realise I could talk so much,” he apologises.

Steven smiles, nodding to concede the truth. He still looks thoughtful when Liam would have thought he’d see a hint of resentment.

“Any advice?” he asks, almost afraid of the answer.

“Yeah,” Steven says quickly, “stop being an idiot.”

Liam jerks back, surprised. “ _I’m_ the idiot?” he asks. “What did I do?”

Steven pulls him back into his side, an arm around his shoulders. “You keep talking about how much you liked it, too, being dominant with him and talking a bit dirty, but then you say that Louis’ trying to change you. You can’t stop thinking about how it felt when he listened, but you want to say what you did was weird.”

Liam wants to protest, but he feels struck by the revelation. He half-heartedly tries. “I don’t like that… I’m not into _that_ stuff.”

“What’s ‘that’?” Steven asks, annoyance creeping into his tone. “By ‘that’ do you mean a completely understandable dominant streak that Louis probably picked up on right away and has been waiting to explain to you? By ‘that’ do you mean a way to show Louis- who is honestly _begging_ for someone to sort him out, take him out of his head- that he’s wanted, that he’s _needed,_ by you?”

Liam can feel his jaw slacken at Steven’s pointed words, catching himself before he shows his shock too much. He feels a sharp spike of anger at the way he’s talking about Louis, but he’s already speaking again before Liam can respond.

“I’m not saying you need to jump into this headfirst and I’m not claiming to know where on the BDSM scale you two fall. From what you’ve said it’s pretty mild for you both. But, mate, you _liked_ it. You felt uncomfortable, and I’m assuming you said something a little silly that pulled you both out, but you enjoyed being firm with him.”

He can’t deny that Steven’s words are true.

“My next bit of advice-” Steven starts.

“There’s more?” Liam asks, slurring a bit as his exhaustion mixes with the alcohol in his system now that he’s listening and not speaking.

“Try again,” he says. “Louis wanted you to stay the next morning, and in the year you two have been messing around he’s had multiple partners but never walked away from you. He wants _you_ but now you’ve made him think you’re rejecting him.”

Liam’s completely shocked. He’s never considered Louis would ever think Liam rejected him, can’t fathom a world where Louis doesn’t know how bright he shines. He hears on repeat the words ‘rejecting him’ and goes slack, leaning heavily into Steven.

“Yeah,” Steven mutters, huffing out a laugh as he gets Liam steady on his feet again. “Figured you hadn’t really looked at it like that.” He gets his other hand around Liam’s front, helping him to his car. “Why don’t you tell me where you live and we’ll get you home. You can figure out the rest tomorrow as you fight your way through a hangover.”

“I honestly don’t usually drink this much,” Liam slurs, spilling into the passenger seat. He hasn’t managed to hook his seatbelt correctly by the time Steven circles to the driver’s side. He hears Steven laugh again and bats his hand when he goes to help, clicking it together with a triumphant look.

“You should probably drink like this more often, you’re pretty cute when you’re frustrated. Like an angry kitten.”

Liam tries to make a hissing sound but isn’t sure he’s successful, forehead cool against the window as he rattles off his address. He watches the glass fog up when he huffs out a breath, drawing a squiggly heart in the condensation.

He’s practically asleep when Steven drops him off, waving away his offer of assistance and dragging himself inside. He shushes Loki, his barks making Liam’s head throb, and shoos him outside while he proactively takes a couple paracetamol with another glass of water. He opens the latch to let Loki in, dragging himself to bed and collapsing fully-clothed onto the mattress for the second time in four days.

His last thought before drifting off is about how he really needs to re-evaluate his life choices because he’s sick of going to bed drunk and alone.

~*~

He wakes up Tuesday morning with a manageable hangover and puppy breath in his face. He goes through his morning on autopilot, making it to the office at the same time as always.

He’s just settling behind his desk when Steven stops in, an extra coffee in one hand that he passes over and his bag across his chest.

“Thought you could use this,” he offers.

Liam feels himself flushing, their words from last night still playing in his head. “Look, Steven,” he starts but Steven just waves his hand.

“No need.”

“Really,” Liam persists. “I shouldn’t have asked you out because I was angry with Lou. You didn’t have to be so nice to me after I turned into such a lush, but you were anyway. Thank you.”

Steven smiles, bright and wide, and Liam thinks for a moment that- if he wasn’t so terribly hung up on Louis- he would probably really like to spend more time with Steven. As it is, they could probably still be friends. Steven’s already seen him at his very worst, can’t get much lower than the previous night.

He’s smiling back, he notices, feeling calmer than he has in weeks, when Steven reaches into his bag and pulls out two thin books. “Got you a couple things, hope they help,” he says, tossing them onto the desk and turning around.

Liam glances at the covers before quickly shuffling paperwork on top of them. “I hate you,” he calls out, voice sweet as Steven rounds the doorframe, the sound of his laughter disappearing down the hall.

Liam bites his lip and checks that the doorway is still empty before lifting his report, glancing again at the covers. Yellow font screams out ‘101 Dirty Talk Examples’ over a black-and-white photo of a man and a woman, her back pressed his chest as he whispers into her ear. The second cover has muted words, font small against the backdrop of a man kneeling on the ground, blindfold on and head bowed while someone stands behind him, shadowed with a riding crop in their hand. ‘How Kinky Am I?’ it reads and Liam chokes on his own tongue as he shoves them into his desk drawer.

He’s going to have to rethink being friends with Steven. Or maybe he’ll need to sign over his first-born.

Depends on how seeing Louis goes.

~*~

Liam can admit that showing up at Louis’ flat on a Thursday afternoon without calling ahead is possibly a bit stupid. He’d taken the day off work, reading his way through both books with various levels of horror and intrigue.

He knocks on the door and shoves his hands into his back pockets, rocking on his heels. He doesn’t hear anything for the longest time and begins to regret not calling, half a mind to go back home and forget everything. Images of Louis and Scott holing up in his room flood his mind until he hears the soft tread of footsteps approaching the door.

His mind is wiped clear when he sees Louis. He looks _awful_ , scruff is days old and his hair is a knotty mess. He has bags under his red-rimmed eyes and he’s wearing the same pajamas Liam left him in on Sunday. He’s pale and slightly gaunt, his eyes almost clear from the contrast with the swollen-red. He’s got his glasses on and he looks completely horrible,.

He’s the most beautiful thing Liam’s ever seen, no matter the circumstance.

“Have you gone to work at all?” Liam asks before he can stop himself.

Louis’ eyes narrow in confusion, stepping back from the door and motioning Liam inside. He pointedly ignores the question.

“I should have called first,” Liam apologises, taking off his coat and kicking off his shoes. He arranges them by the door on what he’s come to view as _his_ hook and _his_ spot on the shoe rack. He turns back to Louis, feeling completely bare in his joggers and thin shirt.

The urge to pull Louis into his chest- to comfort him and lead him to a shower, put him to bed and not let him wake until he looks more alive- is overwhelming. Liam bites his lip to keep his rambling thoughts at bay, waiting for Louis to speak.

When he does, Liam barely contains a wince. Louis’ usually light voice sounds like he’s been gargling with gravel.

“Why are you here?” he rasps, hand rubbing his throat softly.

Liam takes a second to answer, knowing that everything is riding on his response. He’d prepared himself for every question Louis could ask, but he hadn’t expected to find him so defeated. In the end, he decides to go with the simplest answer. “Because I’m in love with you.”

Louis closes his eyes and he breathes in deep before taking a step towards Liam. He needs no further encouragement, closing the distance between them and wrapping his arms around Louis’ thin frame, pulling him tight into his chest.

He takes a moment to familiarise the feel of Louis again, his hair still soft near his temples despite the knots. “Have you slept?” he asks, breathing the words into Louis’ hair.

He feels him shrug and cards his fingers through the hair at the back of his neck. “Let’s get you in the shower and then to bed, yeah? We’ll talk in the morning.”

Louis nods against Liam’s skin but doesn’t speak. Liam doesn’t take offence. He pulls away and leads Louis into the bathroom, starting the shower and undressing them both quickly.

He’s brisk and thorough, the look of exhaustion on Louis’ face spurring him on. He needs to get Louis in bed, needs to smooth away the bags under his eyes and coax the sparkle back into the blue.

Louis stays quiet as Liam dries them off and slips him into a clean pair of pants, pulling down one of Liam’s old jumpers over Louis’ head and bundling him into bed, tucking the duvet up to his chin. He makes to leave the room, wants to order some takeaway for when Louis wakes up and needs to call in to work and beg off for Friday as well. Louis’ hand darts out from the covers and grabs his wrist, fingers rough against his skin.

‘ _Don’t leave me, please stay_ ’ replays in his head as he meets Louis’ eyes. He knows Louis won’t let himself say it again and Liam won’t make him. He climbs in behind him, slipping under the covers and wrapping his arms around his waist and he presses near enough he can feel every breath Louis takes.

“I won’t leave again,” he whispers, though he thinks Louis may already be asleep.

~*~

They sleep through the night, Liam waking with the sun. He shifts in bed, cracking his back to release the tension from being curled around Louis for over twelve hours. He digs his phone out of his pocket when his joggers are folded on a chair, settling back against the headboard with Louis snuffling into his thigh. Louis’ hand finds his calf in his sleep, burrowing closer into Liam’s warmth as he dials the office.

He combs his fingers through Louis’ hair distractedly, explaining to his boss that he needs to take one more day, he’s had an emergency come up and won’t be in until Monday. Conner’s nice and assures Liam that he understands, wishing him luck before hanging up.

Louis begins to stir as he’s talking, eyes opening when Liam’s saying his goodbye.

“You look better,” he says honestly, watching as Louis smiles.

The swelling around his eyes has gone down and he looks years younger, fringe falling softly in his blue eyes.

“I thought last night was a dream,” he whispers, voice rough but miles better than it had been the night before.

Liam feels relief wash over him as he cups Louis’ cheek in his palm. “Definitely not a dream, babe.”

Louis smiles and kisses his palm lightly.

“I doubt you have food in,” Liam teases, “so we should probably order something or make a quick run to the shops.”

Louis rolls his eyes and sits up, stretching and letting the covers pool around his waist. The sleeves of Liam’s jumper are overly-long on the both of them, and he watches as the tip on the fabric reaches just under Louis’ nails.

If Liam had any confidence that Louis has eaten something substantial in the last seventy-two hours he’d forego brekkie altogether and lay him down now, press himself on top of Louis’ smaller frame and bring him just to the edge of too much. He isn’t confident, though, and he tears his eyes away from the small strip of belly showing under the sweatshirt, focusing instead on Louis’ face.

“Last night you told me something interesting,” Louis says with a smile. “Something you’ve never said to me before.”

Liam smiles, silly and wide. “I did, I told you I love you.”

Louis’ face brightens considerably and he reaches out for Liam’s hand. Liam pulls him into his arms instead, their faces close together.

He leans in for a kiss but Louis breathes out at the last second, “Yeah, I thought that’s what you said. Good to know.”

His tone is nonchalant and playful, and Liam fakes outrage, slipping his fingers under Louis’ jumper and pinching Louis’ belly softly. Louis shrieks with laughter, falling back onto the bed and letting Liam lunge for him, settling on top of him and tickling his sides.

“Say it back,” he demands, eyes crinkled with how hard he’s smiling.

Louis shakes his head, breathless with laughter already as Liam uses his considerable weight advantage to pin both of Louis’ wrists in his one hand, the other reaching down to continue tickling his side.

He’s melted against the bed, half-hard in his pants where Liam’s straddling his waist, and their laughter settles in their chests, smiles still wide.

Liam flops onto his side next to Louis, eyes fixed on his face. “Say it back,” he whispers.

“I love you, Liam,” Louis answers with a grin. “I’ve loved you for a long time.”

Liam feels like flying into the _sun_ , he’s never been so happy in his entire life. He pulls Louis into a kiss, ignoring the way his skin is flushed as he parts his lips and keeps Louis kissing back, mouths moving soft and slow.

The only thing that convinces him to pull back is remembering that Louis hasn’t eaten, and he does so reluctantly, taking in the sight of his slightly bruised lips and very, very pink mouth.

“I’m so sorry I left, Louis. I won’t again, I promise,” he whispers, the words soft between them.

Louis smiles and nods, leaning in for another quick kiss before scrambling out of bed.

“Let’s get food, Payno. I’m starved and you’re buying.”

Liam tries to grumble in mock annoyance but he can’t keep the smile off his face as they dress.

~*~

They stop for takeaway on the way back to Liam’s, Loki greeting him at the back door with apparent disapproval at being left in the garden all night.

“Was your daddy mean to you? Did he abandon you last night?” Louis asks, scratching behind Loki’s ear in just the way he likes, blatantly striving to become Loki’s new favourite.

He doesn’t need to try so hard, Liam thinks. Louis’ always everyone’s favorite.

“Yeah, daddy was mean,” he agrees, plating their food and carrying it into the sitting room. “He’s so mean he built a dog house in the back last summer and left you overnight in mild autumn weather. Better go live with Louis, he has a sixth-floor walkup and no room to exercise.”

Louis and Loki give him identical unimpressed looks and he threatens to eat Louis’ food until the older boy laughs and clambers onto the sofa next to him, knees tucking under his compact body as he eats quickly, ravenous.

When their plates are clear, Liam having caught Louis sneaking bites to Loki throughout, they clean the dishes together and pack up the leftovers before Liam sits them down on the sofa to talk. Louis’ curled in on himself again, clearly nervous about the conversation pending.

“I’ve been thinking about Saturday night,” he begins but Louis hastily cuts him off.

“Don’t worry about it, Liam. I don’t need those things, I promise. I just want you. Watching you walk out the other day just about killed me. I don’t want to ever make you uncomfortable-”

Liam rolls his eyes at Louis’ interruption but lets him talk for a moment until he realises Louis’ nervous babble might not end. He puts his hand gently over Louis’ mouth and watches his eyes as he falls silent, gauging his reaction.

“For once in your life,” he laughs, “be _good_ and be _quiet_.”

Louis nods and licks Liam’s hand, eyes bright in challenge. Liam pulls away but pinches his bottom lip gently between his fingers, tugging it slightly.

“When I heard what you asked for on Saturday,” he starts, “I didn’t think it would be something I liked so much. Watching you follow instructions is hot; feeling you respond to me like that was amazing.”

Louis’ cheeks turn pink and he averts his gaze, looking at his knees.

He places the tips of his fingers under Louis’ chin and tilts his head up again. “I want to keep doing this with you, but it’s going to be on my terms. I’ve done a bit of research into it,” he says, ignoring the eye roll those words earn. “We’re going to have rules in place and a safe word system, everything cliché if we’re moving forward like this. Do you agree?”

Louis nods so fast his fringe flops and Liam represses a giggle, watching as Louis’ blue eyes sparkle. “What are the rules?” Louis asks.

“You be good for me and do as I ask, and if either of us need to stop, we say so. We can use a red-yellow-green system for checking in if you’d like. I won’t do anything to hurt you without us discussing it first and I’m not going to make you do anything you don’t want to do. I’m going to love you regardless of anything else you ask me to do or anytime you ask me to stop. And I _want_ you to ask, I want to do what you like. I want to do everything for you.”

“I love you,” Louis says, breathing heavy and face crimson, clearly affected.

Liam regrets getting Louis worked up so quickly, needs to keep him calm so they can finish talking. “What do you like, what do you want me to do?”

Louis keeps his eyes on him, tongue darting out to lick his lips distractedly. “I like being complimented.”

Liam resists rolling his eyes but trails his finger along Louis’ jawline. “I know that one, at least.”

Louis smiles, snapping his teeth at Liam’s finger. “I like being kept still and quiet,” he continues. “I don’t really like a lot of pain, but I’m okay with pinching or spanking a bit.”

Liam tries to control his expression, isn’t sure he manages. Spanking hadn’t really crossed his mind until now, not very interested in punishing, but now that it’s been brought to his attention, he can’t really get the image of Louis’ arse- stained red with faint handprints- out of his mind.

“We can, erm,” he begins. “We can try… some of that.”

They way Louis’ eyes crinkle makes Liam smile, and he pinches his bottom lip again.

“Why do you like being kept still?”

Louis lets him hold his lip, quiet until Liam takes his hand away. “Growing up with so many little sisters, I got used to always being loud and a bit crazy. It’s the only way I got attention.”

Puzzling it over, Liam laces their fingers together. “You like that you’re still getting attention but you don’t have to perform for it?” he asks.

Louis shrugs and kind of nods. “I think so.”

“I know you’ve done scenes before, how often do you experience subspace?” Liam thinks he sounds like a professor, droll and monotone, but he needs to know these things. He needs to get it right this time.

“Not often,” Louis says, his breathing calmer now they’ve been discussing the more clinical aspects. “I don’t, like, float away or anything,” he continues. “I just feel buzzed, like I’ve had a bit to drink or something. I’ve never lost awareness of my surroundings.”

“Okay,” Liam says, “I can handle that for you. Is there anything else you want to try? We can talk about this all night, we don’t have to start anything unless you’re ready.”

Louis rolls his eyes at Liam but his smile is fond. “I’m not exactly an amateur,” he says.

“Good,” Liam responds, shifting in his seat. “Now be quiet unless you need me stop or if I ask you a direct question, okay?”

Louis nods. “Okay,” he says, letting Liam take his hands, standing up with him and pulling him into his chest. Liam brings their lips together, licking into Louis’ mouth until he’s whimpering against his chest.

“Shh,” he soothes, running a hand down Louis’ back. He pulls away from him and walks him into the bedroom, undressing Louis carefully and then himself, asking Louis to get on his back on the bed while he folds their clothes carefully. He keeps his back to Louis as he remembers the advice from the book. He breathes in deep, holding for a count of ten before releasing, getting his thoughts in order.

When he turns back, Louis’ lying still on the bed, hands buried under his pillow as he watches Liam. He feels arousal tug at his gut, walking closer to the bed and letting his fingers trail along the inside of Louis’ knee. The touch is light as a feather, hardly more than a tease, and Louis arches into it, biting his lip to keep in his groan.

“Good boy,” Liam breathes, watching as Louis’ flush reaches his chest, looking pleased at his words.

He settles on the bed between Louis’ feet, hands to himself as he looks him over carefully. “I’m going to touch you first,” he says, letting his palms press against the inside of Louis’ thighs, spreading them wide. He trails his hands down his legs, circling his fingers around Louis’ ankles before smoothing them up his legs again. He keeps his attention on Louis’ thick thighs and compact calves, the muscles tensing and relaxing under his hands, as Louis stays mostly still and completely quiet.

“I’m going to lay you out on your stomach and stretch you around my fingers until you’re ready for me. If you’re a good boy and you keep quiet, I might give you my mouth before I fuck you. Can you be a good boy for me, Louis?”

Louis nods, muttering a _yes_ and clenching his eyes shut as Liam’s hands trail over his soft stomach, tracing his lightly defined abs. When his eyes open again, his pupils are so wide the blue circling them is barely noticeable. He nods again slowly, sucking his stomach in a bit and lifting his head, silently begging for Liam’s mouth.

“Good,” Liam whispers, opening his mouth against Louis’ and letting his tongue trace Louis’ lower lip, parting his lips and slipping inside to taste.

Louis’ so responsive as they kiss, Liam’s hands stroking up his sides and circling to his back, lifting him in one arm from the bed while his other arm braces them, fascinated with the dip just before his arse as their lips slide together. When he pushes Louis back into the sheets, his eyes are glassy and it takes him blinking several times for them to focus. He finally does, gaze narrowing in on Liam’s lips, lifting his head again to kiss. Liam turns his cheek at the last moment.

“Be good,” he reminds. Louis nods against his skin and Liam kisses his forehead. “Do you remember what I said I was going to do? You can answer me.”

“You’re gonna,” Louis starts, licking his lips and trailing off for a second. He blinks a couple times again and looks Liam in the eye. “You’re gonna get me on my belly and stretch me for you.”

“Very good, remembering that,” Liam says, leaning in to kiss him one more time. “Now let’s get you turned over, sweetheart.”

Louis quickly complies, Liam dodging his errant knees before he settles onto his stomach. He spreads Louis’ legs apart again, pressing between his thick thighs and laying his chest against Louis’ back, using his weight to push him slightly further into the mattress. He reaches a hand to his side table for their lube, setting it next to Louis’ side and running his dry hand along Louis’ back and over the swell of his arse.

“Fuck, you’re gorgeous,” he mutters under his breath, pulling away and rising onto his knees. He forces Louis’ thighs apart further, stopping when he sees the muscles quiver, tense when he trails a finger whisper-soft against his skin before spreading his cheeks apart.

He considers giving Louis his mouth now- working him open with his tongue and spit until Louis is panting into the sheets- but that wasn’t what he’d told Louis he would do and he doesn’t want to throw him off this first time. Instead, he slicks his fingers as promised, intent on stretching Louis carefully.

He watches as he fits first one finger inside, Louis’ body taking him in and enveloping him in smooth, tight heat. He teases a second finger around Louis’ rim, pulling his hand back before thrusting both in together.

Louis whimpers lightly, a choked-off little sound that Liam allows. He takes his time stretching Louis, loves the way he can tease him with glancing touches to his prostate. He works his way up to three fingers, knowing Louis can take just two if he’s desperate enough, but Liam has all the time in the world tonight to make this the best Louis’ ever had.

He thrusts three fingers into Louis, pressing in past both knuckles before slipping out and thrusting inside again. Louis is clearly affected but he manages to keep quiet, until Liam nudges his prostate particularly hard and he moans into the pillow, body going lax.

Liam takes his hand away quickly, making sure they aren’t touching anywhere. Louis is clearly aware of his mistake, turning so his forehead is against the sheets and breathing heavy in the quiet room.

“Be quiet, Louis,” Liam reminds him, taking his hands and forcing them behind his back, settled against the dimples above his arse. “Can you leave those here for me?” he asks, watching as Louis nods and turns his head again, looking at Liam over his shoulder.

Liam nods and smiles, reassuring him until his breathing evens out. “Can you tell me your colour, Louis?” he asks, voice calm.

“Green,” Louis responds promptly, eyes closing as Liam presses close to him again.

“Thank you, sweetheart.” Liam presses a kiss to his shoulder blades, sharp under his skin as one of his hands graze the back of Louis’ knee, causing him to kick out his leg and clamp down on his bottom lip to keep in his sounds.

“Trying so hard to be still for me, doing so well,” Liam says, hands gripping Louis’ cheeks again and kneading them gently, pulling them apart and slipping three fingers into Louis again, checking he’s well stretched. “Do you remember what we’re doing next?” he asks, voice deep.

Louis shifts against the bed at his question, eyes clear when he turns a bit to look at Liam.

“You’re going to fuck me now,” he answers after a moment.

“Aren’t you forgetting something, though?”

Louis’ silent for so long Liam begins to wonder if he’s pushed too far. He keeps his fingers lightly thrusting into Louis, his other hand on Louis’ hip.

Finally, when he’s a second away from bringing Louis down and calling this try a wash, Louis seems to figure out the question. He glances back at Liam again, arms tense where they’re still behind his back as he puts his weight on his shoulder so he can see Liam better.

“If I was good, you said you might suck me.”

The relief that pours through Liam’s system is almost tangible and he barely keeps his face impassive. “That’s right, I did say that. Have you been a good boy, sweetheart?”

Louis bites his lip and Liam uses all of his remaining willpower to resist lunging forward and worrying that lip between his own teeth. He keeps his hands where they are, teasing the edge of his pinky around Louis’ rim but not pushing inside.

“I don’t think so,” Louis says. “I made sounds and I didn’t stay still.”

His voice is so soft and sure, eyes closed again as he drops his head to the pillow once more. Liam debates with himself for a moment before turning Louis over onto his back and bringing his arms to his sides.

“I think you were good,” he says, slick hand teasing the tip of Louis’ cock. “I think you tried very hard for me. If you think you weren’t good, though,” he carefully avoids using the word _bad_ , “then I won’t suck you just yet.”

Louis sighs in what seems like disappointment, a frown teasing at the corner of his lips. Liam leans in and kisses his smile back, reveling in how swollen his lips are and how pink Louis’ neck has gotten from Liam’s scruff. He runs his hand over his own jaw, feeling the burn on his face from Louis’ unkempt beard.

“Stay quiet,” he reminds once more, pushing Louis’ leg back so his knee is almost touching his chest, his arse completely on display.

He grabs a pillow and helps Louis lift his hips to slide it under, the angle better as Liam presses forward, reaching for a condom. Louis keeps his eyes on Liam’s as he rolls it on, throwing the wrapper aside and squeezing a bit more lube into his palm, smearing the excess down his dick.

“Nothing louder than a whimper,” Liam warns, “or I’ll pull out and we’ll try again.”

Louis nods, eyes closing when he begins to press into him, his gaze focused on the way Louis’ body lets him in so easily. Louis huffs out a grunt as Liam pushes in and he pulls back slowly, at the sound ignoring the whine Louis emits through his clenched jaw.

“That’s one,” Liam warns, soothing his fingers along the back of Louis’ thigh, feeling how loose his muscles are.

Liam pushes in again without warning, slowly fitting inside inch-by-inch until he’s buried fully in Louis’ arse, Louis quiet save for a couple muted whimpers that Liam allows.

“Took me so sweet, love,” he says, thumb stroking Louis’ bottom lip while Liam’s other hand keeps his leg raised. “Your little sounds are so beautiful right now, I’m right here with you babe.”

Louis’ eyes open, glassy and out-of-focus again. Liam watches as he blinks but Louis’ eyes don’t sharpen quickly like they had before. He knows Louis’ on the edge and Liam resolves to get him there. He wants to show Louis he can take care of him, in every way.

He grinds in, dirty rolls of his hips that keep him buried inside, pressing against Louis’ prostate. He grabs Louis’ hands, one fisted in his own hair and the other in the pillow under his head. He places them on the back of Louis’ thigh.

“Think you can keep your leg up for me, sweetheart?” he asks, watching as Louis nods and closes his eyes again, linking his fingers behind his leg.

“My good boy,” Liam grunts as he picks up his pace, thrusting harder. “Always so good for me. You opened right up for me. I could do this to you all day, keep you still and quiet and waiting for my cock. Think you’d like that, love, if we had one day together where you weren’t allowed to speak? I’d keep you ready for me all day and use you again and again. You’d be my only focus all day, would you like that? Nod if yes.”

Louis’ breathing heavy but he nods, loud panting filling the air as a moan tears its way through him.

Liam doesn’t want to pull out but he needs to keep the rules consistent so he does, slipping out and moving back so he isn’t touching Louis anywhere. Louis’ eyes fly open but he doesn’t speak, understanding.

Liam motions for Louis to join him at the end of the bed and he shifts, movements slightly slower than usual but sure as he sits up next to him.

“I’m going to let you make as much noise as you want, but you’re going to ride me and you’re not going to finish until after I do. Think you can do that, love?”

Louis nods and smiles, his lips parted and slightly puckered, so clearly desperate for a kiss. Liam barely resists, lying on his back instead and holding Louis’ hands to help him balance as he settles above Liam’s cock, his knees pressed to Liam’s ribs until he relaxes and drops Liam’s hands.

Liam spreads a little more slick along his cock, gripping the base until Louis’ as full as he can be. They find a rhythm, quickly, Liam planting his feet on the bed and rocking his hips up. Louis rolls his hips and leans in to press his forehead to Liam’s cheek, whining when Liam slips out.

“It’s okay,” Liam soothes, pushing Louis back just a bit and fitting back inside, wrapping his arms high around Louis’ waist and pulling him into a kiss. He fucks his hips up at an awkward angle until Louis is just panting against his mouth, constant moans falling from his lips as he clenches.

“Color, babe,” Liam grits out, needing to check in more for himself. Louis’ so beautiful right now, fucked out of his mind and clearly hazy from subspace, a bright grin on his face and gorgeous sounds falling from his lips.

“Green,” Louis answers promptly. “So very green.”

Liam barely manages to thank him for answering, hooking his forearms under Louis’ armpits and burying his hands in Louis’ hair, forcing him still against his chest as he ruts as deep as he can, thighs and abs straining from how hard he’s fucking Louis.

Louis- this beautifully, submissively sweet Louis he has in his arms right now- cries out softly _please_ and Liam can’t hold off anymore. He comes with a grunt, thrusting through his orgasm as he shoots off inside the condom.

He pulls out when he gets too sensitive, immediately flipping Louis onto his back and fitting three fingers inside him again, tonguing gently at the head of his dick before sucking it between his lips, moaning when Louis fists a hand through his short hair and thrusts his hips up twice, finishing in Liam’s mouth with a bitten-off moan.

He lets himself breathe heavy for a moment before he snaps to attention. “Be right back,” he promises before leaving the room quickly, disposing of the condom in the bathroom bin and bringing Louis a glass of tap water. When he gets back to the room, Louis’ already slipped between the covers.

He drinks half the glass when Liam hands it to him, eyes still unfocused but smile bright. He slips under the covers with Louis, drawing him into his chest and smoothing his hand down Louis’ spine. He keeps whispering in Louis’ ear how beautiful he is and how good he was, and Louis pulls back after about ten minutes, blue eyes clearer.

“Hi,” he smiles and Louis beams in response.

“Hi,” he says, pushing his fringe from his face distractedly.

“How do you feel?”

Louis bites his bottom lip. “That was amazing, Li,” he says after a second, eyes downcast and seemingly shy. “Thank you.”

Liam rolls his eyes since Louis isn’t looking at him, pinching his hip gently. “Don’t thank me, you were the one who listened so well,” he says.

Louis flushes but doesn’t argue, tucking his head back under Liam’s neck.

“You hungry?” Liam asks, fingers tracing each bump of his spine.

“No, just want to sleep. Will you stay?”

Liam’s heart beats a little harder at the question and he’s sure Louis can feel it. “Of course I will. I’ll wake you up to eat in a bit, okay?”

Louis nods and snuffles, and Liam counts his breaths until he’s asleep, fingers still moving over his back.

~*~

Liam follows through with his promise, kissing Louis awake after a couple hours. Louis pouts up at him as he blinks his eyes open.

“Let me sleep,” he says, trying to turn back into his pillow.

“No, c’mon,” Liam encourages, pulling his pillow away. “I reheated the leftovers, get your arse up.”

“You like my arse,” Louis mutters, glaring at him.

Liam nods, doesn’t bother denying it. “I love it. That’s why I want to feed you up, can’t have you losing your arse now, can I?”

“Oi,” Louis protests, sitting up finally and slipping from the bed, padding into the hallway completely naked.

“Are you going to put clothes on?” Liam calls out.

He hears a laugh as a response and rolls his eyes, grabbing a pair of his joggers that Louis particularly likes as he walks out of the room. He finds Louis standing at the counter, eating slowly with Loki at his feet, sniffing for fallen crumbs.

“Don’t be an animal,” Liam says, grabbing his plate gently and pushing the joggers into Louis’ arms. He watches as Louis jumps into them, pulling the drawstring tight around his waist, the legs just barely an inch too long and pooling around his feet.

“You just like the look of me in your clothes,” Louis says with a smile, grabbing his plate back.

Liam doesn’t bother denying that either.

~*~

They settle into a routine slowly, spending most nights together. Louis still likes to have his flat to himself every few days, not entirely ready to give up his independence. Liam doesn’t mind at all, though: most of Louis’ things are in his house and Louis had broken up with Scott when Liam had originally walked out on him.

(“I didn’t want to be with anyone if they weren’t you,” he’d admitted one night, whispered words in the dark of Liam’s room and Liam had wanted to comment- the urge to call Louis a sap strong on his tongue- but he’d recognised how vulnerable Louis was letting himself be, and he’d rewarded him with his mouth instead, kissing a line down Louis’ chest until he was between his thighs, pushing his legs against his ribs and rimming him until Louis was panting above him, tears in his eyes and lips bitten red.)

So he doesn’t mind his nights alone, often meeting up with Steven for drinks or a quick game of bowling, others from the office making regular appearances. Steven doesn’t ever ask about their lifestyle, but when he asks if Liam’s okay Liam can sometimes hear the undertones of concern and is always able to answer honestly, “Never better.”

Louis’ often a little shit after nights spent alone, jealous and fragile. Liam learns the easiest ways to soothe him and put him under, sometimes just the right touch to his jawline combined with the perfect tone, and Louis turns pliant and soft in his arms.

He knows Louis can tell when he holds himself back, though, keeps their scenes short and infrequent. It isn’t something either of them needs every day, but the way Liam keeps himself reined in seems to be causing Louis to blame himself.

“You’re not doing anything wrong, you’re so good for me,” Liam tries to assure him.

Louis shrugs, pouting. “I just feel like you still think what we’re doing is weird.”

Liam _does_ think it’s weird, sometimes. He understands why Louis likes it- has researched enough about pain receptors and endorphins, has read the word ‘epinephrine’ so often he can actually spell it- but he doesn’t think the reasons he likes it are particularly healthy.

He shouldn’t want to quiet Louis, shouldn’t want to make him keep still and behave. He loves when Louis’ bouncing around him, louder than life and always mischievous, but he can’t deny the rolling arousal that thrums through his blood as he watches Louis slip under.

Louis’ birthday is drawing near and Liam frets about presents, wants to spoil his boy now that they’re in a good place. Nothing could top the tickets to the theater Louis had given him for his birthday- center stage and five rows back- and Liam’s getting nervous.

He’s been on edge for two weeks, refusing to play with Louis when he’s stressed like this. Louis takes it all in stride, telling Liam he doesn’t want anything, they’ve already got everything he needs, but Liam knows what Louis looks like when he opens presents and he’s determined to get something perfect.

The week before Christmas finds Liam frantic, snappy and irritated to the point where Louis stays at his flat for three days and ignores Liam’s calls.

He shows up the Friday before his birthday at Liam’s door, hands shoved into his pockets and his face set. Liam lets him in without a word.

“You could have used your key,” he says, stepping back.

“Less dramatic,” Louis responds, eyes soft as he leans in for a kiss. “I love you.”

“I love you,” he replies automatically, confused. Louis’ calm is so different from every other time he’s come back from his place.

“Do you trust me?” Louis asks. “I want to try something, but you need to trust me first.”

Liam nods; of course he trusts Louis.

Louis shuts Loki into the sitting room with a bone and the bed from his crate, ignoring his whines until he settles down. He grabs Liam’s hand without a word and leads him into the bedroom, lacing his fingers through Liam’s and he can’t resist feeling soothed. He crowds against Louis when they get to the bed, mouthing at the back of his neck and using his free hand to cup Louis’ hip, suddenly horribly desperate to feel his skin.

Louis lets him manhandle him onto the bed, laughing a bit at Liam’s antics but settling in the middle, tucking a pillow under his head. “My turn tonight,” he says, hands on Liam’s chest to keep him pressed away.

Liam knows he could break Louis’ hold- could force his body down and cover Louis’ smaller frame with his own bulk- but he doesn’t, curious to see what Louis has planned.

“Tell me you love me,” Louis commands, voice firm.

“I love you,” Liam answers promptly.

“Good. Now, tell me your dirtiest fantasy.”

Liam balks, pulling away. “I don’t have any.”

He watches Louis roll his eyes as he reaches for him and wraps a hand around his biceps, guiding him back. He spreads his legs and helps Liam settle between them, hands bracing himself over Louis’ body.

“Tell me,” Louis prompts, sliding his arms around Liam’s neck and pulling him in for a kiss, mouths wet and slick as they slide against each other. He sucks and bites at Liam’s bottom lip until it’s sore but he doesn’t care, rutting his hips against his skin.

“Tell me, Liam,” he whispers against his lips. “What’s one thing you’ve always wanted to do to me?”

“No, I don’t know,” Liam says, trying to fit their lips together to quiet Louis, but he doesn’t let him.

“Come on, you can’t tell me the filthiest thing you’ve ever wanted to do to me is a bit of rimming.” Louis encourages. “Want to blindfold me?”

Liam shakes his head. He loves watching Louis’ blue eyes go glassy when he slips under, likes when he pushes him so far Louis almost doesn’t see anyway.

“Hmm, okay,” Louis says, rocking his hips up and letting Liam feel the bulge of his dick against his trousers. “Do you want to gag me? Stuff my mouth and stretch my lips around gag, watch me drool around it as you fuck me?”

Liam whimpers but shakes his head again, hands coming up to Louis’ thighs and holding him still while he thrusts hard, the zipper of his jeans rough against his cock through his pants.

“What do you want, babe? Tell me, I’ll do anything for you.”

“Your thighs,” Liam croaks out.

Louis doesn’t respond for a second and Liam closes his eyes, feeling his body flushing from embarrassment and arousal as he continues rubbing himself against Louis.

“Stop.”

Louis’ voice is firm and Liam listens immediately, freezing when he hears the word. His eyes fly open, checking by instinct to make sure Louis isn’t hurt anywhere. Instead, he looks pleased, blue eyes focused laser-sharp on Liam.

“My thighs do it for you, Payno?” he asks.

Liam bites his lip and nods, pinching Louis through his bottoms when he giggles.

“Here I was, thinking you were hiding some extreme form of daddy kink or burn play urges.”

Liam makes a face and Louis giggles more. He lets his legs fall to the bed, pulling Liam in for another kiss. Liam lets him guide them into a sitting position, lips together as they shift, only pulling away to shuck their clothes off quickly. Louis falls into his arms, mouths together as his hands fist in Liam’s hair, straddling his legs where he’s knelt. The angle is slightly awkward and shouldn’t work but Liam relaxes into the kiss, arms keeping Louis upright against him.

They pull apart eventually. Louis levels him a look. “How do you want to do this? On my back or hands and knees?”

“Whatever’s most comfortable for you,” Liam says, wiping his bottom lip with his thumb.

Louis rolls his eyes and leans in for another soft kiss. “This is all for you babe, however you want me, we can do this.”

Liam doesn’t argue again, pulling away and smoothing his hands down Louis’ tanned thighs. “On your back,” he decides.

Louis listens, shifting backwards on the bed until he can rest his head on his pillow, grabbing their spare and placing it under his hips. “Might be a little harder for you this way,” he says, referring to their position, “but I’d really like to see this.”

His grin is cheeky and Liam reaches out automatically, pinching his big toe gently. “Watch it,” he warns, seeing as Louis flushes- almost startled- before whatever tension he’d been holding leaves his body in a sigh, relaxing fully into the bed.

Liam grabs the lube from the bedside table- makes a mental note to pick up some more when he goes to the shops next, no matter how embarrassed he feels when the nice lady at the store rings it up- and scoots forward. Louis parts his thighs eagerly, watching as Liam pours a large amount into his palm and rubs it between his hands to try to warm it a bit.

He’s thorough as he coats the inside of Louis’ thighs, pinching him once behind his knee when he giggles as it tickles.

“Quiet until I say, okay?” Liam asks.

Louis nods, biting his lips to stay silent, twitching every so often when a particularly light pass tickles him but never making a louder sound than a gasp.

Liam’s finally confident he’s lubed up properly, thick thighs golden and shiny. He shifts to grab both of Louis’ calves, bringing his legs together so they’re straight up in the air. He presses his body closer, pelvis fitted against Louis’ arse as he rests both of Louis’ ankles together on his shoulder.

“Keep your thighs tight together, babe, yeah?” he reminds as he mouths at the back of Louis’ ankles, one hand slipping down to his dick and spreading another layer of lube.

He can feel when Louis’ thighs clench together tighter, a look of concentration on his face as Liam angles the head of his cock where Louis’ thigh and arse meet. He rubs his shiny, wet head against the skin for a second, keeping a close eye on Louis’ reactions.

When he’s satisfied that Louis isn’t rethinking his decision allowing this- thinks he might actually be looking forward to it- Liam presses against the crease between his thighs, the lube slicking his way as he pushes through. He looks down, can see just slightly more than the head of his cock pushing against Louis’ balls. He grunts as he watches, pulling back and pressing forward again, watching as his dick slips against him again, a slick line of precome snapping as Liam pulls back again.

He soon finds a rhythm, settling further into the bed so his knees are either side of Louis’ compact body, the lower angle forcing his dick harder against Louis’. He sucks bite marks into Louis’ calf, listening to the bitten-off whimpers falling from Louis’ mouth as he feels his orgasm building.

“Can you touch yourself for me? Want to hear you now, too. Want to hear how beautiful you sound when you get yourself off for me.”

Louis moans louder, one hand reaching for Liam’s where he’s gripping Louis’ knee. Liam spreads his fingers and lets Louis fit his own between as he slips his other hand down to circle his cock. He’s leaking, a shiny pool of slick below his hip where his cock has been slapping with every thrust Liam gives.

He holds off now, grits his teeth as Louis jerks off and continues thrusting, his aim erratic. He still presses against Louis’ balls every few thrusts, the whines those thrusts push from Louis’ mouth high and gorgeous and enough to have Liam racing to the edge. He holds off again, determined to let Louis come first.

His own thighs are burning from exertion and he can feel where Louis will probably have a bit of a friction burn despite the lube they’d used. He doesn’t let that slow him, knows how much Louis likes when he leaves lovebites and handprints, likes having something to press against and remember with. He listens to the pattern of Louis’ panting, can hear the moment his breaths increase further. He watches Louis’ hand strip his cock in a blur, palm teasing the head on the upstrokes until he comes with a grunt, whimpering as Liam takes his hand away from Louis’ and aligns his dick so he’s pressing against Louis’ balls on every thrust until Louis is spent and wriggling from the overstimulation.

Liam pulls out immediately, fisting his cock tightly for another minute, staring at the red skin where he’s been forcing himself between Louis’ thighs, biting his lip as he moans and comes against his skin, thick strands painting his tense thighs and dripping down to the curve of his arse.

He gives himself thirty seconds to catch his breath before he leans back to the bedside table, thankful not for the first time that Louis had the brilliant idea of keeping wet wipes in the drawer. He grabs one and wipes down the back of Louis’ legs and the head of his own cock, taking another and cleaning away the mess Louis made on his stomach.

He drops them into the bin next to the bed before lowering Louis’ legs to the mattress, massaging the outside of his thighs to help with any stiffness. Louis’ eyes are bright and focused still, clearly not having gone under, and Liam smiles at him, leaning in to kiss his lips.

“That was amazing,” he whispers against Louis’ mouth.

Louis nods and wraps his arms around Liam, pulling and pushing at his chest until he’s settled on his back and Louis can crawl half on top of him, settling his head on Liam’s shoulder and wrapping one arm across Liam’s chest.

“That was better than amazing,” he says, belatedly. “That was incredible. We’re definitely doing that again.”

Liam nods, feeling giddy and relaxed for the first time in so long.

“You’ve got to let me take care of you, too,” Louis says after a moment of quiet. He tilts his head so their eyes can meet, chin digging slightly into the meat of Liam’s shoulder. “This isn’t just you taking from me, you know? You give me so much calm and release. I can do that for you, too.”

“I just want to be everything for you,” Liam shrugs slightly.

“You can be everything and still need _me_ sometimes. I want you to come to me when you’re stressed, and we’ll figure out a solution together.”

Liam smiles, desperately in love with Louis’ sincerity. “I promise, I won’t let myself get like that again.”

“Say _cock_ ,” Louis prompts, tone suddenly turning teasing.

“Cock,” Liam responds, proud.

“Say _dick_ ,” Louis says, turning his head again so his cheek is against Liam’s shoulder again, fingers trailing along his side.

“Dick.”

“Say what we do is normal.”

“What we do is normal.”

“Say what you got me for my birthday.”

“Nice try, Louis.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> Come say hi: [tumblr](http://sa-voix.tumblr.com/)


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